WHY IS THE GYM STILL CLOSED?

I’m writing again. This must be a record. But with all this time at my hands, it is hard to make excuses not to do things you once complained you wished you had more time to do.

The situation is not ideal, however. I wish it didn’t take a pandemic to give me a moment to pause and think. And yes, as of today, March 11th WHO (World Health Organisation) declared Corona as a pandemic - basically admitting that Corona is here and we failed at containing it (which seemed impossible from the beginning in our connected world tbh).

The date seems like some sort of cruel joke in Japan but, March 11th also marking the Tohoku disaster of 2011. Nine years have passed since then? Apparently so.

And I am annoyed at myself to yet again be writing about this virus, but it has become an unavoidable part of my daily life. No matter how hard I try to forget about it, there are ceaseless reminders of it everywhere. Corona has become such a constant presence that it has even acquired nicknames among my friendship groups. We have Coro-chan, an honorific chan title that makes our epidemic pal sound like a cute little imouto (sister). And also Ronas, which makes me think of it as one of our bros that we keep around just so we can curse about behind his back - Like, fk you Ronas. Fk you.

And all I really want to do is go to the gym with my manager but the gyms are still closed. We want to get all muki muki (all ripped), but apparently, sweat is dangerous at times like this. Also enclosed places.

Disneyland has now announced that they will be closed until early April, a shift from their original closure until March 15th. It has not opened since February 29th.

I don’t really care much about going to Disney, but the closure of such a big establishment really just shows the extent of impact Coro-chan has had in our lives.

Each day at my hostel part-time job there is a new message in the inbox, “Cancellation request” “Refund request” or just customers who failed to show up at all. The shared lounge space is empty during the evening so I blast Led Zepplin and the Beatles while drinking coffee hoping a customer may decide to come rent a towel so I can engage in human interaction.

And the few customers that come to me for sightseeing suggestions, I always look at them apologetically. Just last night two Danish guys said they wanted to go to Sapporo Beer Factory.

“Ah…” I pause. “It’s closed isn’t it?” “Let me check.”

But after opening up the Beer Factory website I see that yes, it is indeed closed. I look to the two guys and say sorry before I give the news.

“It’s okay. We’re used to it.” One says, releasing a small sigh as he looks at their room key sadly before turning towards the elevator.

But really we are. Getting used to it, that is. Coro-chan is with us here to stay and I have become adjusted to her company this last month. I still really hate her but. I also wish people would stop talking about her and just learn to ignore her and perhaps pretend she didn’t exist.

Or maybe we should just accept her? Like we accept Influ-chan.

I don’t hear about businesses closing down because a staff member hooked up with Influ-chan.

But don’t you go hooking up with Coro-chan or you’ll be the talk of the whole town as the local floozie. Or if you’re Vietnamese you’ll be the talk of the whole country and everyone will know your name and address so they can visit and slam you.

Is this really what the world has come to? Publicizing who has been hooking up with Coro-chan?

Meanwhile… why are Australians still fighting each other over toilet paper?

When I posed this question to my mother she told me:

“Because we are bogans.”

Like this answers everything.

And I write this all sitting under my kotatsu drinking a can of ‘Strong’ (9% booze here in Japan) thinking about how if everyone just hooked up with Coro-chan already we could all just get over it. Maybe some people will just take a kiss, while others may go to third base.

But we should stop slamming people who hook up with Coro-chan. And if others want a piece of her too we should stop freaking out.

We can’t stop the world.

But before I am shut down for voicing my complaints (which I have many of as someone who works in both tourism and teaching - schools are closed down officially by Abe PM) I do understand why governments around the world are canceling events and shutting down public facilities.

We can’t overload our hospitals en masse. The healthcare system would die. Especially since 10-15% of people infected will have to take a visit to the place. And when it is estimated that up to 70% of the world’s population will be infected within the next year, it is probably idealistic to gradually allow people to take their turn with Coro-chan over time rather than in a huge orgy that would probably be a little bad on the eyes and difficult to deal with. Meanwhile, Influ-chan orgy is still happening. We can’t deal with that many orgies at once.

And I really do not know why I am reverting to sexual innuendos right now, but making light of a heavy situation is just one way to deal, right?

But at the same time governments around the world take extreme measures to prevent health care overloads that could suck up tax money from the system (meanwhile we tell ourselves it is because they care about our health, and maybe they do? Even if secondary) - the economy suffers as a consequence. People are scared to go out. They are told not to go out. Nothing is spent.

And then global stock markets fall, tumbling to the levels of the 2008 Lehman Shock. Investors are jumping from risky assets that they fear will roll off the edge during Coro-chan crisis. And in Japan they are investing in yen which apparently appreciates the value of the yen (I am not so knowledgeable in economics to explain why this is, however). Yet simultaneously the value of the Australian dollar has depreciated, making savings I kept ‘safely’ diminish in a span of two weeks.

It is all quite depressing really.

But I can hardly feel sorry for myself when the whole world is suffering.

And I know Coro-chan is going to keep surprising us by sleeping with our neighbours for a while yet and be the talk of the town.

But I hope we will eventually get sick of the public disturbances she causes and try to forget and move on with our day to day lives.

And our governments will stop trying to hold her down by cutting her global connecting flights.

And then maybe we can go to the gym and sweat and not worry about Coro-chan making a move on us.

But on a positive note, I guess it is a good time to invest in cheap stocks?

So I shall leave with a quote. Also from China, so it seems appropriate in ways.

“The Chinese use two brush strokes to write the word 'crisis.' One brush stroke stands for danger; the other for opportunity. In a crisis, be aware of the danger--but recognize the opportunity.” ― John F. Kennedy

----- This is selfie of me at work wearing my compulsory mask and taking a selfie because there are no customers and bored people take selfies? ----- Also. Reference and for good reading. Mark Manson's (Author of 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck') comments on Coro-chan: https://markmanson.net/coronavirus-risks-and-biases